Ether 6

Alright, I’m going back to the story of Jared’s brother, God, and the rest.

The Lord had touched the stones, they glowed, and Jared’s brother brought them down from the mount and put one in each end of each barge. Good plan.

After they had supplies ready, everyone, including animals, climbed into the barges and they set sail. Because they had no sails, God had to blow extra hard on the barges to propel them. This, of course, kicked up massive waves. Thus they traded speed and direction for worse seasickness. Probably a fair trade.

The waves and storms got so bad that the barges often passed for submarines. A good test for the seams, all of which held. Thus they traded buoyancy for near suffocation. Probably another fair trade.

Although they couldn’t see where they were going, they trusted the God of wind to push them straight to their new home. And not to have any of the barges hit any of the others.

As with many a sea journey, the passengers sang most of the time—happy songs, like most sea chanties. Day and night these happy songs of praise. Which was the most extraordinary thing, since they had animals and people vomiting, no toilet, only occasional ventilation (when it was safe to pull the corks out), and no visibility except—small favor—the disheveled, vomit-splashed interior of the barges.

Hallelujah, they sang, over and over.

How long did the trip last? They counted 344 days, though, with a constant light source and no way to reckon time, they might have overestimated. However long it took, though, when the barges gently slid onto land, one at a time, the people quickly climbed out, cried and prayed, thanking God for the great trip he’d given them. Plus this new beachfront property.

They couldn’t wait to start farming. All it takes is being cooped up indoors without windows, singing and puking for almost a year, to stoke up the urge to farm.

Jared had four sons: Jacom, Gilgah, Naha, and Orihah. Jared’s brother also had children. But, given his celebrity, he preferred not to talk about his family.

Between them, Jared and his brother had twenty-two friends. And did I mention that some of them, ahem, procreated at sea? Notwithstanding the privacy issues, especially given the un-turn-offable lights.

God told them to stay humble. But how could they not after their long low-budget cruise?

They spread out. There was plenty of room, of course, since the place was uninhabited, except for them. Farming made them strong, too. And gave them healthy diets.

Jared’s brother got old and started to feel as though death were near. So he said to Jared, “Let’s do a head count of our descendants and a poll of what they want of our estates.”

The total number of children between these two brothers was: 34. Don’t ask.

After the numbering came the poll. The results: all the kids wanted Jared and his brother to anoint someone to be king when the patriarchs were dead.

Jared’s brother said to them, “That would end up with slavery of some kind.”

Jared said, “Aw, come on: if they want a king, they’ll get one. Let’s take the chance to pick the best one.”

So they picked Jared’s brother’s firstborn, named Pagag. But he refused to be coronated. The other kids demanded en masse that Jared’s brother force Pagag to be king. But Jared’s brother demurred and commanded as patriarch that no one ever be forced to be king. This was, all told, the oddest episode in the history of monarchies.

Jared and his brother moved through all Pagag’s brothers, one by one. All turned them down. “King of what, exactly?” one remarked, and no one had a good answer.

So they moved through all the sons of Jared. Same pattern, until the last born, Orihah, accepted the job offer. Last children in the birth order tend to have high opinions of themselves. And they’re used to getting spoiled.

They made a throne for him to sit in and he reigned well. People got rich, which wasn’t too hard since it was a totally inbred economy, with essentially no competition, only cooperation.

In time Jared died. His brother too. Orihah was humble, echoed his father in all the fundamentals, and preached a heckuva sermon too, when he wanted to. And he always had a captive audience.