Helaman 9

Five people ran to the judge’s chambers. One of them said, “If he’s right about the murder, maybe we should reconsider his other stuff.” They arrived, saw it was true and at least two of them actually fainted. At the gore, the shock, or the realization that they probably were going to hell as Nephi said? Hard to say.

But they arrived, saw the crime scene, and fainted. Meanwhile, some of the judge’s servants henchmen had seen the murderer run off and jumped into the streets crying “Catch him! He’s a killer!” Some rubberneckers ran up to the scene and saw the five on the floor. Since they didn’t know about Nephi’s teasing prophecy-dare and the crowd at Nephi’s Garden, the rubberneckers thought the prostrate men on the floor were the killers—struck down by God, who wanted them caught.

They scooped up the men and threw them into holding cells. The word went out: Judge Killers Caught In Bizarre Swooning Scenario.

The next day people fasted and moaned as they gathered for a quickie burial. This included the lower court judges who had been at Nephi’s Garden. They asked around about their five missing friends. “No idea,” someone said, “but we’ve got all five of the homicide conspirators.”

“What?!” the judges said. They went to the holding cells and asked what happened.

“It was horrible—just like Nephi said it would be. We all fainted. A mass trance or something. We woke up tied up and headed for jail. But we had nothing to do with the murder. We’re just after-the-fact witnesses.

So the lower court judges started branding Nephi the killer, or at least the one who’d ordered the hit. Why? So he could make people believe in him. “We’ll make him talk,” they said.

The guards let the five out before the burial, though they didn’t attend. Not smart. Not until the word of their innocence spread. But they rejected the judges’ conspiracy theory.

Still, the judges rounded up Nephi and made him answer to a public death penalty-qualified tribunal. They badgered him about the hit man. They even tried to bribe Nephi to spill the beans about his negotiations to off the chief judge.

But Nephi said:

I know you’ve been circumcised. Most of you, at least. But you need to get re-circumcised a little higher. Your heart’s got a scraggly foreskin—did I just say that? I don’t care. You deserve it. Would it make you feel any better if I called you blind, stubborn, godless fools? How long do you think God will let you get away with all this judicial malpractice?

You ought to be screaming for mercy. You’re, as they say about sacrificial lambs, dead meat. But instead of sour-graping yourselves, you’ve plotted against me: I, you say, conspired to kill Seezoram (who you shouldn’t confuse with Cezoram). The fact is, I knew about it, and told you about it. But I got all that from God. And maybe a little good luck, since I can pretty much bet on high court intrigue involving blood or disappearance. I tell on you and you want to kill me. Nice.

So here’s another Truth or Dare: I dare you to go to Seantum’s [Seezoram’s brother] house and tell him I’d talked and squealed on him. He’ll deny it. Then you ask him if he acted alone. He’ll squirm and hem and haw. Then he’ll say you don’t know what you’re talking about. He’ll act all mad about it.

Then check his clothes for blood. You’ll find traces. Ask him where it came from. He’ll turn pale and start shaking. You tell him that his guilt is showing. In a minute he’ll confess to the whole thing. He’ll also confirm that I had nothing to do with it and I must know about it because I’m a prophet.

They went and everything happened just as he’d said. Seantum confessed and the five + Nephi got out of jail.

This was proof enough for some people that Nephi had a gift. Even the five had converted by now.

Overall, though, people were divided over Nephi. Some said he was a prophet. Others said no—he must be a god. Because only a god could know that much about what had happened, was happening, and would happen.

Thresholds for God-ness are often improvised.