3 Nephi 16

Suffice it to say, I have a lot of sheep scattered all around the globe (oh, sorry—another word you don’t yet understand). They all need and deserve to hear me.

What I’m telling you now, all this about other sheep (including you), won’t make any sense to people in the Old World, who don’t even know about this continent, let alone others. So as you write my words for future audiences, recognize that your number one readership will be Gentiles. At some point they may get the word to the Jews, though that’s a long shot. But I trust they’ll do their best. Someday I hope to bring all these sheep together. And maybe then I’ll apologize for any seeming insult in calling people with human brains “sheep.” I think it’s a good metaphor. No offense intended.

Ah, how I love the Gentiles. They might believe in me better than the so-called chosen people that excludes and mocks them. My Father and I pour our Spirit on them like summer rain. Very refreshing, since they feel it—more than I can say for most of you. At least historically. Hmm. Maybe I have a new chosen people after all. I’ll have to talk to Dad about it.

Wait. I’m getting a message from him right now. He says, “Curse you Gentiles who don’t believe in me and have blackballed the Israelites. I have such good plans. And you always mess them up, especially when you’re in the majority.

“Now I let you needle and shun Israel because I want to teach them a lesson. Punishment that I’ve outsourced to you Gentiles. And you will indeed sack them and gas them and burn them and skewer their flesh for fun, pluck out their eyes for ‘science.’ And worse.

“But when you get too proud yourselves and act Gadiantonish, complete with plotting and sexcapades and gang hits and fraud, etc., I will rethink my rethinking of our relationship. I’ll re-choose my old chosen people. Like remarrying your ex-spouse. Older and wiser. I’ll smother my old love with kisses and privilege. And I’ll push Gentiles back, assuring them that I’m your Bodyguard forever. I can’t quit you.

“So I love Gentiles, because they act better than Israelites. But I can foresee yet another change of fortune. It’s all cycles, my friends. And I choose the word ‘friends’ advisedly. You’re on both sides. When one is up, the other down, I’ll stick up for the rights of the one who’s down and console him about the gruffness of the one who’s up.”

I give you the deed to this entire continent. It’s not legal and binding. And besides, the Gentiles will cut you down like a weed patch. But I’ll enforce the property rights in my own way.

Isaiah will prove true in these words, at least:

“The guard at the gate knows what’s going on. And how does he guard? He sings and teaches others how and what they should be singing about. So crack your sullen mouths open and sing, you landfills of Jerusalem, because God’s turning your trash heap into a privileged cul-de-sac.

“When God flexes his muscles in the cosmic mirror, no one can avoid seeing it.”